Tuesday, September 8, 2015

I miss you Mom... I love you!

It was on June 28 at 7am on a Sunday morning when Jimmy got the call that my mom had passed away in her sleep from a massive stroke.  I was in shock! Is this really happening and I thought I was in a bad dream. The pain of seeing your mom in the hospital lifeless and not moving and  cold to the touch makes every emotion come out.  As I paced the ER room hoping and wishing she would just say something to me, and realizing that this is it. She is no longer with us!

Many of you have asked how I was doing. Some of you have sent emails, text , and calls and  I really  appreciate them all. It's been two months now and the pain is still just as real as the first day. I just don't cry everyday and think about it non stop. I jumped back into life hoping to get some normal back, but really I was just trying to numb the emotions of the pain. When the house is still and everyone goes to bed I listen to her two voice mails on my phone and pretend to talk to her. I never thought you could ever hurt this bad. Some have asked if I am ok. Yes I am! I have talked to a counselor and know that this is just part of the grieving process and we all grieve differently. I am OK! I have God on my side and the pain will heal, just missing her will always be there.

My mom and I had a rocky relationship for many years, but these past two years things had been so good. I would drive out to her house and take her shopping, get her meds ready, and we would have a lunch date and I loved that time with her. Now looking back I am so thankful to God that I had those days with her! I hated getting her pre packaged meals for her dinners. I often wished I could stay longer at her house and make her dinner and share another cup of coffee with her before I hit the road. But I often felt the urgency to rush out to miss traffic. But I sure do wish I could change that now.  Tonight I saw something on TV and I laughed and grabbed my phone to call her because I wanted to tell her. At that moment the reality of her being gone hit me like a ton of bricks. I know she knew I loved her. I just hope she knew that I loved her a lot!

I was honored to speak at her service with my brother and sister!

I take great comfort in knowing that she is walking the streets of Gold and in the presence of our Mighty Savior!