Monday, December 30, 2013

I Never thought I would say I was thankful for this past year.....

I have been writing this blog in my head for the past week.  I have been pondering over this past year and reflecting on what I  have learned, what I have gained, and what I have lost ( I am not talking about my weight either). This morning in my time with the Lord I was thanking God for what I walked through this year.  Now if you would have  told me in February or March that I would be thanking God in December I would have laughed at you.   The year 2013 was the hardest year of my life.  Many times I would yell..I HATE THIS YEAR IS IT OVER YET??? Some days I felt like I had no more to give and there was no way I am going to make it. As I sit here in Starbucks with my tea in hand and looking at my calendar I see that this year is coming to an end. When did this happen? Well it happened once I stopped yelling at God at how much I hated this year and focused on what God wanted me to gain from this year  then it went by a lot faster.  I am not saying that I will not have troubles and hurts in 2014.  I don't believe there is some kind of  magic in the turning of the year, but I do know we gain a new perspective in a new year!
"Rejoice in your suffering, suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character and character hope."
Romans 5:3
This year started off with a Bang! Right after a fun week in the dessert with the family I came home to a life changing moment.  I got a phone call that my mom was admitted in the hospital.  At this time we didn't know what had happened but we soon found out.  She had a stroke.  This opened our eyes up to so much.  During this time my sister and brother and I had to come together to figure out what are we going to do with her and how are we going to take care of her. It was very stressful and hard and I hated every minute of it! A lot of phone calls had to be made and going through all of our moms things was not fun.  From the hospital she was moved to a rehab facility and this was a time saver as we tried to figure out what was our next step.  Just for those of you who don't know my relationship with my mom up to this point  had been very Rocky, hard moments with her.   But I also heard God telling me she is my mom and I needed to respect her and help care for her. We did a lot visiting and taking care of her even when she was there in the Care Facility.  I would take the kids to see her because I thought it was important for them to help too.  It was time for my mom to be released from the care unit  and we had no where for her to go at the time because she went mostly blind and needed help with everything! My amazing Uncle said she could stay with him for a bit while we figured it out.  Well on the way home that night after we got her settled in I heard the Lord say Honor your mom and move her into your home. WHAT?????? NO WAY GOD!!! Well God spoke to Jimmy to and  it confirmed it with me.  So we did!! YIKES!!! Those three months were so very hard! But now I look back and see how God was bringing so much of my past to the surface. So many hurts and wounds that I never let be exposed or healed.  In all Areas of my life.  I saw where I needed to work on my marriage, my mothering, my friendships and most of all my walk with the Lord.  During this time I started to see a counselor that walked me through so many things that helped me. A few times I needed a stern "CHELA what are you thinking?" During this time I could see that I either was going to fight for my marriage or lose it.  During this time I had a very special person in my life walk away from me.  During this time I lost my Grandma. A mighty women of God that taught me what a relationship with Christ looks like and what it means to be a servant to all! I got a phone call from my Uncle telling me that it was Nana that Requested me to speak at her Funeral.  I couldn't believe it and I felt so honored to be part of such a day.  She will ever be a memory to me of so many things, but most importantly the prayer warrior she was.  I know I am the Christian I am today because of the many prayers my Nana said for me.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope and certain what we do not see."Hebrews 11:1

So my mom moved in and lived with us for three months and then we moved her out and I felt a release from the Lord. During the time she lived with us all four of us Jimmy, me and the kids shared our room. One time all I wanted to do was cry and scream so I found myself sitting on the toilet in our bathroom because it was the only room in the house that there wasn't any one.  It was a challenge but I heard God say I did this more for you then for your mom.  I can believe that now. As the months have gone on my sister and I have learned a way to take care of her and it has worked out well.  I am so thankful for my sister and all her help! As the summer was approaching and the tension in our home was pretty strong I could sense that God needed me to reach out to him even more.  I needed to lay my family down in prayers. I needed to pray for my husband and kids. I needed to pray for my marriage and where we were headed. I had been in a pit and I was allowing the enemy to lie to me day after day and I was becoming this CRAZY lady!! YES CRAZY!!! Jimmy and I were fighting non stop and   honestly at this time in our lives I think he would rather stay at work then come home.  It was awful.  Not only did the beginning of the year bring up a lot of hurts, but it brought up a lot of insecurities that I have.  FEAR was a huge one. Fear of Jimmy leaving me and finding someone who is beautiful, fun and not Crazy, Fear that my kids thought I was a bad mom. Fear of being alone. Fear that I would never be used again in the ministry.  So many fears. One night I heard myself tell Jimmy I just fear that you won't love me anymore.  I heard it FEAR!!! It crippled me. Then another awful fight brought me to me knees before God and calling my closest friends to stand with me in prayer I realized something has to change in me. Here I thought I needed to change my husband, but God kept pointing his finger at ME!!! Chela you need to work on yourself!
"Trust in him at all times. O people pour out your hearts to him for God is our refuge." 
Psalm 62:8

I am your GodIn the middle of August God had asked me to start  my day on my knees before him and praying only for Jimmy, us, and the kids.   Also during this time I finally saw why God had me take a step back from my leadership at the Church.  My family is way more important.  God reminded it will be there waiting in Gods timing not mine.  Would I be able to focus on my family if my focus was somewhere else? My ministry was my family. I committed to it and to this day December 30th I  am still committed to it.  I have been fighting this battle and rejoicing in the miracles before they happen.  I know that the Victory has been won! I have never grasp onto scripture like I do now, I have never worshiped God like I do.  My relationship with Christ is stronger then it ever has been.  Ryan spoke at church one Sunday on Seasons and that they all have a beginning and end.  Well I knew this was a season.  It will have an end but I am not Rushing it.  God has given me a clearer direction of my life.  He has had people praying for us.  He even had a person see a vision over my family and to tell me that Yes Chela GOD hears your prayers and he is at work. Praise GOD!!!! Jimmy and I are doing AMAZING! We have been laughing a lot, sharing more and kissing a lot. (I love that)  and anytime the enemy tries to lie to me I fight him off with Scripture. I have seen a change in my husband.  I have seen his smile again. I have seen his fun again I have seen his passion for our family. I have seen healing in him too!  I know that my husband loves me with all his heart and I can't wait to see where he leads us as  husband and wife and as a family. I know that our family has been called to do many things for the Kingdom of God.  I am so excited! I know that the enemy is so afraid of our family, but he will NOT win! I am taking it one day at a time.
 Each new day is amazing. Sometimes I hit a bump in the road, but I know how to battle it now. I also learned that this LIFE that God gave me is not all about ME!!!! That the Enemy is very real and ready to kill, steal and destroy.  Guard your heart. Every morning when I get up I put on the Armor of God and I feel so prepared for the day and what I may battle! I know that everyday needs to start in prayer and thanksgiving even when things are amazing I will never let my guard down again.  My Husband and kids are way to important to me.

I really don't know how people go through life with no hope.  My hope is in the Lord! Here are a few things that got me through and are still getting me through this season.
*God's word 
*listening to Worship Music all the time
*my friends praying for me and with me
*The book The Power of a Praying Wife
* The Book Prayer Warrior
*Jesus Calling 

So YES I am looking forward to this new year! I am looking forward to see some of the promises that God made to me fulfilled.  I am excited to tackle this new year with a different perspective and I am ready to walk into this new year hand in hand with my love.  I don't make new year resolutions but I  make goals! I am working on those goals right now and I am excited to share them.  Not sure who reads this. But If you ever want to talk or share your heart or someone to pray with you I am here for you.

* A special thanks to:
Ryan and Johanna
Justin and Stephanie
Adam and Ronalee 
Erik and Corrine
They have prayed with me  and for my family! They sent me emails, Texts messages, and hugs when I needed them. They shared their time with us and their hearts too! They believed in us and always pointed us back to God! They never judged us or held anything against us and I am forever thankful for your Love and Relationships.
This song is an amazing worship song that to this day brings me tears, to my knees in worship and I know THAT GOD IS ALWAYS WITH ME and ALWAYS comes through!


Friday, July 26, 2013

Whom Shall I Fear [God of Angel Armies] [Lyrics]

When I woke up this morning I was singing this song.  Walking through a few things and I know that all of it is in God's control. He has made many promises to me about my marriage, my family, and my kids and over my husband.  Sometimes we have to go to battle. The way God has shown me to fight this battle is on my knees! I was reminded today the enemies main goal is to kill, steal and destroy.  He will not be doing any of that in my home! I have an Angel of Armies by my side! I can't wait to share all that God has done and what he continues to do!

What I have learned these past two weeks:
*conquering fear
"So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

*I know that Christ Loves me
Because along this Journey he has talked to me, given me promises and shows me daily how much he loves me through his scriptures.

*The Enemy is a HUGE Liar
Because when he tries to tell me lies I start to shake and I know that is not truth.

*my ministry right now is my Family
I had more then one person tell me in the past month that  for this season I am to be the wife, and mother that they need me to be and that I need to firmly plant my feet in  my home and fill it with worship music and prayer! 


Monday, July 15, 2013

A little bit of summer Fun! (June fun)

Just our June at a glance in Pictures! 
Pool days
Disneyland trip 
Beach club with cousins and friends
Sea World
Mud run with daddy
Jimmy and I Celebrated our 15 year wedding anniversary


Monday, June 24, 2013

Lead me! Journey of Marriage

I love my husband so much! We celebrated 15 years of marriage this past month.  So exciting! People ask WOW what's your secret? PASSION!!! Well that helps. It hasn't been easy we have our moments.  But I am so thankful that we have more happy and joyful moments then the rough ones! In the beginning of our marriage I said things that to this day I wish I never said.  These past 6 months have been really hard. In the midst of it all I have seen God's hand in it all! 

We are on a Journey! We went for a Jog the other day and as I was slowing down I was right behind my husband and as I watched this man that I have shared life with now for 17.5 years I heard the Lord speaking to me.  Do you see him in front of you leading you? Yes Lord I do. Do you see the curve and around that curve there are straight paths, there are hills and slopes. Part of the path is little rocky and another part of the path it is totally smooth. This is what your life with your husband is like.  You may have rocky moments, you may not see around the corner. You may have to go up a hill and it will  get tiresome and going down the hill is easy.  Sometimes there is a bump in the road but it isn't for long. The smooth part was great.  The Lord showed me that he gave me Jimmy to lead me.  As we were running this path I slacked a bit, but he was constantly checking on me.  Sending Lexi to give me water and at the end of this path he waited for me.  Christ was showing me that Jimmy is always taking care me, He is always making sure that I am provided for and sometimes He needs to wait for me to catch up. (FYI an attitude adjustment) Yes the spoiled brat in me comes out even at the age of 36! At the last part of the Jog we Ran together.  At this time God showed me that we are together in this Journey. (he did slow down a bit for me) Except  him as your Leader and let him lead you, but also know he is your partner, your best friend, the one you became one with and you will be together in this Journey. I feel so blessed to have this man of God and I love him with all my heart. God said, remember to pray for  him Daily! He is human and has human struggles too! He gets weary, tired, and stress from work can really pay toll on him.  So daily I have been laying my husband before the Lord.  I love that My God walks with my Husband daily. I just want to challenge you to pray for your hubby. Pray for him as he walks his daily walk.  We can't be with them all day everyday, but we can pray for them and their daily challenges! 


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

My little man

AAHHH today started off with my son not wanting to get up, get dressed or eat breakfast!! In the moment I was so frustrated! Yes I will admit it there was some yelling and a spanking and crying! My little 9 year old son pushes me to my mommy limits! Any one been there?  After I dropped him off at school and he turned around and gave me that dirty look  I could see it in his eyes he was hurt! I sat there in the school parking lot defeated! Oh man did I handle this wrong Lord and did I just send Eli  off with a bad day.  I felt awful but at the same time frustrated that he acts this way.  I came home and sat on the couch and started my quiet time with the Lord. What do you know God met me right there on my couch! It was in a sweet phone call from one of Eli's teachers! My first response when she called was. "Hi what did he do now??"  Stephanie said back, "Nothing at all, actually I am calling to tell you that he did great and that we are so proud of him." She began to tell me all the great accomplishments that they have seen in him and that we may not see his academics always be right there on top but how gifted he is in the arts! "Like what?" I asked her.  She said, "well drama and drawing." I giggled to myself and thought this boy is just like me! She proceeded to tell me that he is unique and very special! She said I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I think you should pray over him daily, pray for his school and teachers. ( mind you this is a public school and she is sharing this with me) My heart exploded with JOY! I know that God has the best for my son.  I know that we will have challenges but I also know that I will see him become the man that God created him to be. I am his mom and God gave him to me for a reason!  I want the best for my son! I wish I could go back and change the morning, but I can't.  I can change my attitude and embrace him with love and ask God how I can discipline this little man.  I am amazed at how much he is like me and I am forced to look at myself and remember hard moments I had as a kid and things I wish my parents knew about me and how to love me and how to encourage me into to the right direction.  I am so thankful for those phone calls and those GOD moments! I am praying for Wisdom!! Wisdom as a mommy of a young man that one day with be a parent too!

Eli loves Albert Einstein and loves to dress up and be other people!

We love to celebrate him and his DAY!

He loves mind games! And he is GOOD!

Always funny!

Always makes me laugh!

Loves to wear hats!

His imagination is always in use!

Loves the finer things in life!

We never have a dull moment with him! He keeps us on our toes!

I love you son!