Many of you have asked how I was doing. Some of you have sent emails, text , and calls and I really appreciate them all. It's been two months now and the pain is still just as real as the first day. I just don't cry everyday and think about it non stop. I jumped back into life hoping to get some normal back, but really I was just trying to numb the emotions of the pain. When the house is still and everyone goes to bed I listen to her two voice mails on my phone and pretend to talk to her. I never thought you could ever hurt this bad. Some have asked if I am ok. Yes I am! I have talked to a counselor and know that this is just part of the grieving process and we all grieve differently. I am OK! I have God on my side and the pain will heal, just missing her will always be there.
My mom and I had a rocky relationship for many years, but these past two years things had been so good. I would drive out to her house and take her shopping, get her meds ready, and we would have a lunch date and I loved that time with her. Now looking back I am so thankful to God that I had those days with her! I hated getting her pre packaged meals for her dinners. I often wished I could stay longer at her house and make her dinner and share another cup of coffee with her before I hit the road. But I often felt the urgency to rush out to miss traffic. But I sure do wish I could change that now. Tonight I saw something on TV and I laughed and grabbed my phone to call her because I wanted to tell her. At that moment the reality of her being gone hit me like a ton of bricks. I know she knew I loved her. I just hope she knew that I loved her a lot!
I was honored to speak at her service with my brother and sister!
I take great comfort in knowing that she is walking the streets of Gold and in the presence of our Mighty Savior!
